Belgian Spring - March!!! Photo courtesy of Veronika de Brouwer

Good Old Bathtub

Nowadays some people still do take baths. Not perhaps on a daily basis, but often enough - or so I hope.

It seems that people, who are very successful take only showers - they do not have time and most probably they hear the news while they shower and use products which leave the skin soft and well perfumed right away, so that after the blitz shower they can jump out of the premises, into their clothes ( prepared the night before - nothing to be said against this), run to, most probably, their car and drive, bicycle, walk or what ever, to their important jobs to work hard all over the place. It is a question of time!

There are also people who shower, because they cannot any longer manoeuvre themselves out of the tub and would be sitting there like a duck to be shot. Elderly persons normally do not like any longer to take baths, but prefer to shower. SO, next time you think about being old, think about the shower or bathtub question - and you will see where you stand!

I had an aunt, far aunt, who had in her bathroom a bathtub of 1,90 m -  a very long thing, looking like a sarcophagus - not wide, but long. Next to this wonderful instrument was a very comfortable chair, she had upholstered in the fabric towels are made of, you know what I mean, so that even if sitting there soaked, the chair simply dried up and looked normal. Her daughter and she used to have nice chats in the bathroom, one lying in her bath, the other one lolling in the huge and comfortable chair. Of course this was not a bathroom as we have it nowadays, some sort of cubicle of 1x1 m, where you will throw all your wonderful flacons and things on the floor if you just turn to quickly, without a window and without day light. Hers was a room, more for living with the comfortable attitude of being a room and not a "wet-cell" as the pragmatic Germans say: "Nasszelle". So depressing! And if you have bathroom without any natural airing system, you always have to take a wash with that fan noise... not a thing I would love. Or you start a mushroom culture - also a possibility.

But back to the glories of taking a bath. Being a whale or whatever you chose to be, a bath is always glamorous and it gives you the opportunity to think. In fact your are being hyper practical:  you get clean, gentlemen can shave as well, you can read a book, even hear a good disc on your i-pod and if necessary and wished for, have a chair there for that chat. The vast choice of delicious bath oils is worth giving the old bathtub another go -  in a shower you smear the stuff on your poor body for ca 54 seconds, wash it off and I do not believe, that any good is done, sorry. Showering is for getting clean, quickly, and nothing more. Fair enough!

In a bath you linger and can indulge in wonderful perfumes - no wonder that clever Mrs Estee Lauder introduced the famous bath oil ( now not longer available) of the famous "Youth Dew" - it was a revolution at the time as it started to make it "normal" for ladies to purchase scent for themselves, albeit in disguise of an innocent bath product. Until then and for a long time before, it was the husband/lover/admirer who bought and decided on the scent a woman had to live with. With the invention and matter of factly purchasing power of the bath oil - a product to take a bath, not a sinful  luxury thing - she transferred to women the power to buy a scent which was distinctively luxurious, sexy and made taking a bath not longer a chore, but a pleasure.

And if you do not like "Youth Dew" or her clever sisters, try some Verveine tea bags or some Epsom Salts,  a cup of milk (only think of good old Liz Taylor as Cleopatra.....) or some essential oils, a shot of good hairconditioner or a baby bath - the experience is always the same: relaxation and some me time of the best.

Children's birthdays - FUN?

My youngest son had his birthday yesterday - and we had, as it should be, a party. 

He himself had planned all meticulous during the last weeks and month and after careful consideration had invited 8 friends. Not the whole class, but only 8. The idea was to make a picnic and go to the park, playing football, running around and eating seated on a blanket on the grass ( not very comfortable in march, but then one goes along with the desires of the jubilant and accommodates accordingly in time...) which in his understanding means a huge chocolate cake WITH Smarties on top, several kilos of the most unhealthy chips possible, a mountain of Haribos and other terrifying stuff, lemonades and, if really not to be avoided, some bread with butter made by loving old mum.

Planning done, I broke my right foot and have to sit in the salon and keep quiet. 

Big disappointment. But then, creativity and play kicked in and my daughter took over, baked a chocolate cake out of one of those boxes you can buy in the supermarkets, they went shopping alone, with my card (!!sweating me at home..) and came back, glowing and happy with their bounty of  sweets and nonsense and  threw themselves into preparations wholeheartedly.

The children arrived, the mothers clustered around my sickbed for a quick chat and the invitees were never again seen in the house, but started to organise to build a camp in the garden - lucky us to have a wonderful sunny spring day - otherwise it would most probably have been a camp under the dinning table with more uncomfortable implications for me sitting right next to it. I think they had great fun and spent the whole afternoon outside in a tiny garden, busy organising their play themselves, solving small conflicts and eating huge amounts of unhealthy stuff - happy to run around, make a lot of noise and only once in a while accommodating to my daughters essays ins becoming a general manager. Though she did pretty well I have to say!!!!

I was musing meanwhile over the fact, that it is so easy to give the children those opportunities and that so many times there are those huge and super expensive parties organised for children, who do then not know how and where to start - and adults taking great care of orchestrating what they should do and play and eat and how and when all this will happen. 

I wonder, if those adults, with rolling eyes and sweating eyebrows, are really doing those parties for their offspring out of fun, or if they do not do it for themselves, having to comply to some unwritten law that children's birthdays are only well lived and well done if everybody afterwards is exhausted, a lot of money poorer and at least sighing with relief that it is all over.

When I was living still in Portugal children's parties were great and I learnt a lot - bear with me for some nostalgic ideas and incentives...

First of of all, the children were invited as individuals, not as a class, as well as siblings and mothers ( and fathers, if they wanted, but it was mainly a mothers thing, with dads popping in and out or if there all sitting at the other end of the room and talking business) - so no problem with the famous babysitting problem with the other children  at home - they simply came too.  Then, it was always at home and if you did not have a big home, you did invite only few kids and their entourage. Were there many people to be expected the weather helped and one went for a picnic in one of the parks and everybody helped with food and drinks. Also it was always clear, that mothers stayed for the party, but could leave with or without the children at any time - after singing and eating the cake, of course - which was always more or less half an hour after the official start of the party, so that everyone was there and the festivities could start. The idea was of spending a comfortable time together, drinking tea, talking about things, having fun while the children had fun themselves and the adults behaving like adults and having fun as well.

Of course there was always one or two children coming over to say hello to mum, show or communicate something important, blow their nose, complain about another kid and/or eat a bit of cake on her lap, but then they left again and everybody was happy and enjoyed themselves. No needs for Mummy to sit on the floor and engage in organising the Lego sessions.. I loved that afternoons, as it was so easy - there was a cake, some bread with butter, tea and lemonade and if we were very lucky, some sweets and chocolates for the children, but more as a decoration than a means to itself. All left relaxed and happy and well fed in soul and body.

I know, things are done today differently, out of lack of time and also inclination? Parents drop of their children at the door with military precision and pick them up impatiently at at the hour which was indicated - doing other things meanwhile the darlings are parked at the party. Do not get me wrong - I DO IT MYSELF!   I DO understand that very well and who am I to accuse anybody - it has just become "normal". Most of us work full time and most of us have several children: a Saturday is not for relaxing but for 1763 things to be done, football for Nr 1, scouts for Nr 3, in between shopping at the Supermarket for the coming week, organising plants for the garden,  if possible the buying the new winter tires, the shopping for shoes for the baby or the present for the godchild's 7th birthday next week, and and and... 

There is simply in our mind no time for pleasure and for a chat and for a sitting down and letting be. I know perfectly well, that I am nostalgic here - I am myself one of those mothers who run around on Saturdays like a headless chicken and try to accommodate all and everybody's needs. 

But is it not a pity, that a child's birthday, a day of joy for parents and siblings and friends, becomes a chore instead of pure bliss and joy and celebration?

Happy happy New Year 2014!

Best wishes to all of you, wherever you are, for a happy and good, lovely and hopeful New Year!

I hope to come back more often with ideas and opinions - last year was meagre in the harvest of writing and having fun - all a question of good organisation, isn't it? 

When I was singing with my old choir last December the first Cantata of the Weihnachtsoratorium by Johann Sebastian Bach, the text hit me like an autobus: Lasset das Zagen, verbannet die Klage! - if this is not the right motto to start the new year, then I do not know what to give you as a message on your way....

 Right now I am with the children in the sunny part of the South of France and the last waltz  of the Vienna New Years' Concert makes me quite melancholy. An advantage of being grown up and having lived already many a year is that one knows that melancholy is a hint in the direction where we should go and do better next time, not less, not more.

So, after a short bout of  dear melancholy, this is the time for new plans and resolutions and the fun of following them or not.

Have you made resolutions while jumping down the sofa into the new year yesteryear evening? In any case there are so many things I want to do, see and read! 

In true adaptation of my friend Friedrich's saying: " This life is one of the Best!!!"

And here is the Radetzky Marsch - off we go to new adventures!

Happy tidings to you all......
Jola

Hello again!

It is AMAZING. For the last months I have not written a single word in this blog and have not even had the leisurely time to look at it - and today, as good Sunday morning should be, armed with a lovely and hot cup of coffee and the sun shining into my living room -  I go to my handbag and see it is well alive! Actually, we have passed the 10 000 views, which is in itself pretty amazing! You all have been busy looking at my ramblings and I can see on the stats page ( which I LOVE!) that the US, India, South America and even the Far East have been looking on this blog a lot, great fun! Thank you!

The months past have been pretty heavy on my time and mind, but then there are always times in our lives, where everything must be cut down to a minimum to ensure an somewhat essential continuity - anyway, the most important thing is to come out of all chaos more or less alive and perhaps a little bit ruffled, but spirits untamed, unabashed and perhaps, or let us say better, hopefully a bit wiser and calmer.

I am sitting right here

Now we are heading once again onto Christmas, the season which every year take you by surprise. I have not yet  a picture of the children to send around, and not a single Christmas present. Nor do I have any idea - there is blank void in front of me and the famous list, the children put in the fridge in the kitchen is still empty. I have filled in some stuff, to make them busy: an orchid; Nigelissima's cookbook for the easy recipes therein, in the never dying hope that the children will start to cook them themselves, some "Cresta" chocolate by Lindt - difficult to find her in Belgium, so relatively safe - and which I should not eat, as I have imperatively to lose weight for health reasons, so boring - and perhaps a subscription for english Vogue or Bazaar?

I have to tell you that the latest two editions of English Harpers Bazaar have been super super interesting, with good journalism, wonderful pictures, clever tips on beauty and interiors, people and style. And a clever person writing right now the "Why don't you" page - at least someone with an interest in Culture and Art! Go and buy yourselves a copy ( no, unfortunately I do not get paid, this is free publicity for the damn paper)  - but, seriously, I really advise you to have a look at it, I think it might for those last two editions at least be the only really interesting and inspiring fashion magazine there is for the moment - I mean for people like me without loads of money and time but who have to live a real life in the search of Beauty and the Good Life.

That said, once again thanks to you all of you following this little blog. I am really so happy that there are people out there looking at the stuff - amazing.

Musings on a Sunday morning

It is Sunday  and this morning I was sitting on my terrace, after a good half an hour of wandering around in my garden, cleaning and cutting, while the world was still fast asleep and nobody around but the dogs and the early birds. Quite stupid to potter around at such an early hour, but to me this is peace and quiet, time to think. Today I had a flash of insight, a conclusion, crystal clear and not to be discussed: it is imply impossible to be perfect in all the duties we think we have. Please note my words in the sense: we think we have.

I had now two weeks alone at home, well, not really alone, as the old gentlemen dogs are my constant companions, but rather alone. And it was rather quiet in the office as well, this marvelous time of the year, where the place calms down to an almost relaxed atmosphere and people chat and have coffees, interrupted by rare peaks of hectic activity, only then to sink back in a wonderful slow motion, doing things like cleaning offices or finishing archives or simply taking a lunch break of an hour instead of the sandwich taken and eaten in half an hour.

But I did not want to write about work, but about my conclusions I had this morning.

I had been at home alone and my house was during two weeks my home alone. When I hastened home in the evening - one bad point: dogs need company, so no dwindling around after office in town or going straight to the cinemas ( by the way: saw the last Woody Allen and would very much advise to see it - it is a very dark film ...) - no I dashed home, to see the doggies, do some very light homework and re-orientate me in a house which is in constant order.

In the first week I still went out to see friends, which was fun and wonderful - and come to the conclusion that it is impossible to see friends all the time, as much as one would like to - old ladies like me need some solitude and quiet and not talking, but lolling around the house on the sofa, without any requirements from Me.

In the second week I simply stayed at home and hang about my garden and the house, cleaned out drawers, made resolutions what will be different next year had some good telephone conversations, wrote letters and tried to clean my desk - all in all, I had a good rest, for a start. 

Yesterday, or better today at 2 am,  the children came back - I must admit, that I was missing them a lot one one side, on the other side, I liked my house with the clean and well arranged bathroom, the neat towels arranged on their shelf, soaps not floating in water and discomposing consequently, almost no washing to do and especially the kitchen being pristine, as a yogurt and apple doe not require extensive cooking. No garbage bulging around, no empty milk cartons, and no leftovers in the TV room, staying as neat as it was when I left for the office in the morning.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a cleaning freak, but I NEED almost physically to have beautiful surroundings and I stubbornly try to fight against the slow lowering of standards of beauty and calm in my environment. Of course I love my children to bits, I think I have made that very clear. Now as they are back, I am more than happy and will take on other duties - like cooking, chatting, ironing and schlepping tons of food home, trying to install some order in the creative chaos and make them do their bit as well, as nobody lives alone in this world and we all need to learn how to adapt to others in the best way for both parties. But the musing is: If I have to cook, I cannot do the gardening as good and intensive as I would like. If I have the dogs at home, I cannot go and socialise as easy as I would like to. If I have washing and ironing to do for 5 people, there is little space for arranging "objets d'art" and sewing curtains. If I work full time, there is no time for writing and saying something which could be of interest for you, my dear readers. If I watch a film with the children, I cannot cook a perfect meal - fortunately Popcorn has recently been recognized as a healthy sack... And so on and on.

Anyway, you get the point. It seems to be a life of choices, as usual. One cannot have the cake and eat it too, as some clever people said. And my friend Caroline gave me the best advice ever a couple of years ago, to keep sane and not starting to cry about the fact that you cannot manage to make homemade ketchup and have a party and have completely well trained children and perfect dogs and be a Megasuperstar at the office and find the money to be always best dressed, made up and elegant  and take care of your friends and find time for love and also time for doing Pilates and time for singing and and and- it is simply not possible. Caroline's word ring in my ears: Pick your battles. And another clever thing Martin Seligman said: Let the good take care of the bad. 

To hell with the washing and ironing, I will spend the day today with the children sitting in the garden ( which I cleaned yesterday, alone in utter bliss and it looks like a salon - for two days at least) and hearing what they have to tell me, making plans and talking about life and all of it. Just hoping that the washing and ironing of 4 childrens' 2 weeks in holidays will go away miraculously of its own. Tomorrow is Monday and the office needs me - and what was it, that Camus said: We have to imagine Sisyphos a happy man. 

Now that IS some consolation.

Why don't you... (stopped counting)

Indeed,

 

Stop counting: What went wrong, what has not been done, what he/she did wrong, how many kilo's you have gained during the last year, the times you have been kept waiting at the post office, the rain, the traffic in the morning, supermarkets and all the months/years until you will be a pensioner and will start your real life ( ...)  -  all that sort of things which make life as a whole miserable.

 

Start counting: Your blessings, the clouds in the sky, the congratulations you got for your last birthday, the new people you met this year and the month/days/years until your birthday/holidays/move to another country/new stage of your life - and start to prepare for it?

 

Stop thinking about: Money, health and friends.

 

Start thinking about: Friends, health and money.

 

Throw a party when you are down? Best remedy against those depressions creeping up in the small hours of the night: you have something to look forward to!

 

Take things easy?    My doctor told me to do so - quite a difficult task, but intriguing if it works...

 

Change your daily way to work in order to look around you?

 

Make new friends and feel invigorated, grateful and happy for them having come into your life?

 

Plan holidays ONLY for yourself? Admit, we are not used to do that anymore. Seems bliss to me.

 

Buy a new wintercoat? And in an other colour than black or blue? ( I love grey...)

 

Stop whining: Or you are unhappy about something and wail about it and then do all you can to change it, or you just stop wailing and grin and bear it. Nothing more tiresome than someone complaining all the time but not doing anything to change it...

 

Start making plans  about things to be done still this year and what to do next year and what you expect to have achieved in 10 years? Gives a sense of purpose to all uphill struggling in the day to day life...

 

Get on facebook, even if you are already over 30?  Have to think about that. After all we have to take part in the modern information revolution...? Keep up to date with technology is one indicator of being alive. I have not yet become a member, but am actively thinking about it ... (Simply to make this blog more known and see what comes out of it.)

 

Get in touch with The Red Handbag?? I would love to hear from you, yes, you over there. Feedback is welcome. Just send a message to theredhandbag@gmail.com  - super curious about you, my readers...!