Weekends are not very relaxing lately. I have too many things going on at the same time and little time to spend on myself. Some time ago I was invited for a party to celebrate a wedding. I knew the happy couple not so well, but knew a good old friend of mine would be there and off I went - being far too tired and not at all in the mood for partying. But then, one has to celebrate, when the occasion arises, no? Off I went, with the good shoes and a dress which has seen slimmer times, but did still fairly well. I had lovely food, good conversation, good music to dance and especially the best time sitting with my friend in the corner of the so-called bar, sipping coffee and chatting away wildly about the new colours for her kitchen, the pros and cons for curtains in a small room and the plans to do a visit to the "Gardens of England" sometime in the next 35 years, as long as we can still totter along without those gashtly little helps to walk.
And there and then it dawned to me: I am happily settling down in Middle Age! Let the others get married and do the dancing, I look for comfort and good company! I do not want to dance until my poor feet cannot walk another 3 steps and I am so out of breath that the heart attack seems imminent. I rather smoke a cigarette and have the second coffee and talk about the latest art exhibition in Venice(which I unfortunaltey could no see, but had read about) and the enlightment that I will not need any longer to go to the Seychelles to have a good holiday. British Isles and austrian mountains will do for me, thank you very much. And what is nicer than to sit on your comfortable chair and watch the others around you doing the young thing? The anxious look a woman displays, when she would like to dance but nobody is asking her? No, thank you.
In the end, it is easy. Middle Age is still described as the hard part of life. Not true. The hard part is definitively being young and having to find your way around, accepting that hard work lies before you, most probably you will have to change jobs for x times in your life - with the probability of doing something for the pure need to sustain your family and not for pleasure - and no security for a happy pension in sight. Most probably you will get divorced once in your life time - statistically at least. Before that you will have to find THE mate, who will be most promising in relation to fun, sex, love and friendship, children and then also the pension plan, all in this order. First things first.
The hard part of Middle Age is to accept that there are many thing you will not do any more.
You will not loose those 13 kilos and have a body as you had in your twenties (and you thought you were overweight then!!!) - unless you get a fulminant cancer and die. Not a slimming cure which appeals to me. And your hair is going to be thinner, your patience will wear much quicker out with bores and unkind people, you will know what the worth of money is and what it is worth to take up with to have it. You will think twice. You will make fewer plans and stick to them much more, because you know, that it will be worth it. I for one have at least two big projects up my sleeves, besides furthering my working career and accompanying the children into a hopefully optimistic future. But there will be space for my own things - and - God, good genes and modern medicines willing - I have some 40 years in front of me which I intend to use wisely and full of joy and fun.
In your old friends you know what you have - you have come to love them for their lovely sides and can manage not to get upset by their borish and childish parts - let them be and get a life. Changing other people is an idea of young people, which always will go wrong.
Essential insight: Learn to be happy in your own company, which will make you the best company for others, because you do not expect nothing but the pure fact of being there and having a good time.
It is such a relief!! Welcome in good old middle age! Welcome to the happy few who have understood this fact and are not trying to dress a mutton as lamb or have to prove that being a rebel is cool ot do have to change husbands or wifes for the same model, but 27 years younger. How exhausting. Welcome to those who have shifted their interest in life from a battle with the haircolour to the exiting game of good, and I mean really good, conversation.
I will know look more at this new found feeling of contentment. Curious what will come out of that. Great expectations? Falling in the trap again?
My dear old mother in her infinite wisdom said to me the last time we met: You know, the only thing that really matters is that you are in good health and have four healthy children. All the rest should not bother your. Go on do your stuff and be happy.
Clever old mummy - do admit!
