First and for all: the times, where a girl was educated to become a nurse, then get married and stay at home looking after her 5 children, being always serene in cooking everyday heaps of food and helpfully reparing holes in her husbands socks, are obviously over. Or so I hope. I know still enough ladies who - admittedly not always unhappy - have spent their lives exactly doing this.
As I have only one daughter and three sons, I am not an expert on the education of girls - with us, she basically is fighting her way up the picking order, doing a good, very good job in this area. And another thing is obvious too: girls are definitively different to boys. Whereas boys as toddlers are very "active", i.e. make noise and deconstruct a lot of things to get to the reason of them, girls are delightful and easygoing, playing with dolls quietly in their room. They turn into a character only when they reach the magic number of 10.
Basically I try to run the education of my daughter on some ideas: they should feel that they can tell you whatever it is in their lives and you will be, after a harsh scolding, sitting there with her at the kitchentable and talk things through; one of the ways to build this sort of relationship is not trying to be as young as your daughter, i.e. dressing mutton as lamb and starting to go in shrieks about the latest newest Justin Bieber film ( "Never say never" - OH MY GOD.) In my experience children like their parents to be parents, not friends of the same age. Oh, the painful looks, when a misleaded father is trying to make a cool joke about something hip - they rather would prefer to sink here and now into the ground.
One tip I always give to any mother who happens to ask me how I manage to survive 4 children ( much beloved ones!!!) is the institution of a "Mami Day". The rules are simple and applied to boys do work out well also! A Mami Day is nothing else than taking time out with one child at a time, doing all sorts of things - from going for a lunch in the japanese restaurant and then a look in the english bookstore, to having brownies at the child´s favourite café - or even doing a conspirative shopping spree, with loads of nerves involved on my side. Sometimes it is only a jump to the local supermarket, in the company of one only. You will be astonished to see other facets of your child...
Most most important is that you do not loose the thin thread of conversation. Sometimes it is more, sometimes less, but try to keep it alive. No need for deep talk about death and life, but about the small things as well. As long as you have this in mind, nothing, literally, can go wrong.
For girls nowadays it is essential, and I repeat essential, that they have their own money. This means a job, basically. Not all of us will be able to leave behind an heiress - and look at Paris Hilton, it has not done her any good neither.
So, a job. It is always said, that girls do have the advantage of doing something "for a job" which they really "like", i.e. which does not necessarily bring money in the long run - examples: studies in History or History of Art, taking up sewing professionally at a very good tailor, working as stewardess (not any longer so fashionable), doing the referred nurse training or studying literature, working at an, preferably english, auction house etc , all out of the reason, that they, sooner or later, will get married and settle happily with children and dogs and hunting parties (not all of them though). The typical candidate for this sort of education should have reached her goal by 25 or 28 latest - after it is down to looking like an unfortunate spinster, having missed her lot.
The other variety is the girl who wants to earn her own money - fair enough. Only pitfall here is sometimes the busy running around and working her a... off lets her miss out on other aspects of life. Rarely they have the time to spend their money in an amusing way, or meet other people than they meet at their office. Mothers tend to get nervous with their highly achieving daughters when they pass their 35th birthday and are not in a stable relationship. For getting children then, "later, when all is said and done", there is the problem of finding the right chap and/or deciding to bring up a child on her own - no fun neither.
I once went to a breakfast with other mothers and their toddlers. They were all well over 40 and had one single child - I came with my last one, the 4th and was, as it is only normal, very laid back. No huge nappy bags and 3 changes of clothes, destilled water or special mat to change the nappies etc. I felt not at ease, I tell you.
Obviously, the best solution would be in the middle of those two scenarios: having fun and having a job, being seen and have time to see oneself, feeling independent to choose one´s priorities and free to go on doing something, even if one is married and has children. I know several, but not many, women, who have succeeded in this mode and seem happy and fulfilled in their lot. And they have children who not necessarily are all criminals and drug addicts. It is possible...
For me one thing is really important: Money matters and no woman nowadays should be without her own money. This also applies to education. But here I will say something, which is not so politically correct: it is not utterly NECESSARY to do studies at university.
If I think about my own life and the places I have lived, I often and from the bottom of my heart have cursed my studies - History - they were, at least at a superficial look on nothing I could use.
A practical sort of thing, which I could do in any place of the world would have been so much more useful - for me. Being a doctor, or a nurse or a midwife; knowing how to teach at a school; being an interpreter!!! Or a professional relocation agent; a pianist who could give concerts or lessons; an operasinger; a garden architect or specialist in some sort of restauration; a bookbinder or a painter - whatever. You will say: nothing impedes you in starting all of those things. Yes, but then...
So, coming back in my ramblings about the education of daughters it boils down to very few things. Give the girl enough of your time and attention - but not too much. Let her breath and, as my friend Caroline always says very very wisely: pick your battles. If she wants the horrible T-shirt, let her have it and negotiate a perfect outfit for an occasion like a wedding or a visit at the haughty aunts. Girls are very clever, they normally know how far they can go by instinct. The less fuss you make, the less fuss she will make too. But if in battle, be firm, clear and enjoy it - and give her feedback later over a cup of hot chocolat or sitting at her bed in the evening for the odd 5 minutes. Do not belittle her or her friends, never. She will know anyhow by your attitude, what you think of her friends...
I have also often seen, that girls very much look at their mothers to have a role model in life. The older you get the more this is obvious. They measure you up in the blink of an eye, and sometimes they know you better than you do yourself. Don´t send them away hurt and in a fury, when they are mirroring it back to you and you do not always like what you see. Take it and have a long look at yourself. And then be grateful, as it shows, that your daughter is a personality of her own. Some mothers want their daughters to achieve more or "have it better in life" than they did - no daughter can make the life good for a mother who did this not herself. The same applies to ambition and, worst of all, the copy-paste system of mother and daughter. Brrr.
It is their life - our children are not our property, but are borrowed to us for a very short time and in the end, they do not owe us nothing. The more we give them the benevolent freedom to go, liberty ( I do not speak of neglect here!!!!) and interest in their being themselves, the security that they can come home and tell you all, everything is on the right way. With or without earrings, mini skirts and Justin Bieber. It will pass. Promise.
PS: If I ever would go in to politics I would promote one thing: Mothers who stay at home should have a pension plan by the state and a minimum income for "bringing up the next taxpayer generation". YES!!!
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