It has been the fashion, during the last 20 years at least, to blame mothers for all and everything. Teeth are not brushed, the car is ruined, marriages break off, people murder other people and the world climate gets out of control - there lurks always a mom behind it all, for sure.
The ones of us who have/intend to have children are to be warned - mothering is a dangerous job and it takes courage and bravado to take it on. And normally there is no give-it-back-guarantee.
I will today not contemplate the education of girls, though much could be said for that too, but will take the liberty of thinking about things we poor old mothers should teach our boys, to make the world a better place and life more comfortable for them ( in the long run) and the girls they will pick up later on ( preferably for the long run, too).
So, imagine you have a 17 year old chap sitting in front of you and the attention span of ca 7 minutes to make your point. Go, have a look out of the window, do not look him in the face, go straight for the following wise counsel and then let him then work out what it means by himself. Another good oportunity is doing the ironing/ he lolling around or doing some heavy cooking/ him taking a late breakfast.
So.
Very important: Cleanliness - brushed teeth, a shower, cut fingernails ( and toes...), a nice but not overwhelming scent, a good haircut - clean hair, even without a good haircut, and decent clothes ( i.e. clean and sometimes even ironed and covering essential bodyparts) are already a real achievement.
Add Good Manners, like opening a door for someone, say thank you and please, be polite in conversation, pretend to hear with some interest and not to use too excessively the f-word in the company of the elderly ( i.e.us) does help to make a good overall impression.
Some Little Attentions, like carrying the shopping without a moan or martyred facemovement, taking OWN dirty clothes without reminding from the floor IN the washing bin, and then later in life, being capable to wait for 15 minutes in a shoeshop, when your darling is pondering to buy or not to buy shoes which you find horrible; if asked for your opinion be honest, look sharp and know when to stop; noticing, if she is well dressed, beautiful,sad, keen on telling you something, etc. - big plus.
Essentials are good humor, being serious in the pursuit of one´s goals without going over dead bodies all the time; basic cooking, learn to dance and know the names of some vegetables and flowers. Fishnames and Wine do impress really.
Give a gift, when it comes your way. Avoid giving just for the giving sake, without thought or inclination.
But: Never forget a birthday....
Pay the cinema without even hesitating.
Walk on the side of the street if you walk together.
Don´t call all the time.
Have interests and friends of your own and spend time on your own - you are still a person for yourself too and only children need a nanny to amuse and keep them busy!
ok, 7 minutes over.
And then, when the chap is a grown up man, some words to "the dream man for all" of us:
If a gentleman does once in a while out of pure autosuggestion take the unexpected initiative to invite for a theater, cinema, dinner, picnic, visit or, if he brings the odd flower ( may be stolen from the public park, who cares!), or even tells you, how lucky he is, to have you - then the girl is the lucky one and should thank God every day three times on her knees. Playing an instrument would be lovely, but preferable is a mind which remembers to put the garbage out at night. Sometimes.
If he earns money and knows how to keep it without being stingy, has a good sense of humor (almost more important), common sense and some not excessive self irony, is kind to women, children and dogs and loves the good life - lovely. If he can cook, this is great. And if he can even dance, even better....
A sad word on presents: Presents for Christmas should not be bought in the last minute and out of the household money. An emphasis on mother´s day with the gift of the latest newest pressure cooking accessory is to be by all means avoided.
If a man opens his mind and his ears, he will get plenty of hints, what the girls like for a gift, preferably as a surprise and not useful at all. As a rule: a gift never "needs" a reason to be given and it it better, to give nothing, than without thought or love or simply out of duty. This is horrible for both parties and to be avoided - also, to remind a lady about the presents given 43, 32, 25, 19, 13, 9, or even 5 years ago and that she therefore has no more need for presents, is unkind.
An interesting man has interests of his own - very wise to start that early in life - because, if retirement is lurking, all of a sudden you have daily someone following you through the house who is explaining to you how to do the hoovering is not desirable... So, interests cannot start early enough. And a wise woman knows that a passionate interest in cooking, gardening, motorcycling, music or egyptian art is her best friend in many years to come and should encourage those sorts of outlets by all means.
But I know, I sing a song for the wind and the clouds. Alas, I could go on and on... It is always allowed to dream. And I insist, that mothers are not ALWAYS the culprits for everything. At least not after 30 - or was it, that 50 is the new 30? So, then not after 50.
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